"I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
Henry David Thoreau
Today marks March 1st.
Today marks 6 months since my return to the States.
Today is what we make of it.
Today is what we are guaranteed.
Today is the start of the beginning of what we make out of life.
Upon arrival back in September, my first couple months were spent learning how to transition back into living life in America. This somewhat basic concept has been quite hard for me. Many days I am quite satisfied living my life but in waves I am reminded of my past year, the people I met, and all that I have seen. It is during those waves that I am broken once again when I think about all I have and am blessed with, compared to the want and need people live with all over the world. It has been a struggle learning to allow myself to accept and take part in what Americans consider normalcy when I know people in Cambodia and Uganda would think it all excess.
It has been a continuous learning process. It has been hard living outside of community. This was always one of the areas I struggled with most on the race, but now it is what I miss the most. I learned that honesty and vulnerability in relationships is what makes them genuine and lasting. I always knew that but relationships had failed in the past so it was not until the race that I practiced it and saw the benefit. It has been hard to form relationships with people who understand me and who I can have this honesty and vulnerability. Life compels us to have relationships where we can be ourselves, to be honest knowing the other person will accept us for who we are. I had that on the race, but finding it back home has been hard. I found the following quote and love, love, love it.
"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are."
Since returning home I have had the opportunity to return to school as I desired. While on the race I saw the need for health care, in the hospitals, villages and tribes we traveled to. The Lord placed it on my heart to return to school and pursue a second degree, this time in nursing. So I am enrolled full-time taking my science prerequisites in order to enroll in an accelerated nursing program within the year. It is hard being in college all over again after being out for so many years when all I want to do is travel but I have always loved learning and believe education is a gift. It is a gift not everyone is given so I am taking advantage of this opportunity. I have also been able to use my education degree by teaching in the local public school which has been a joy through it all. Children cease to amaze me and they show me just how much we take for granted in life some times.
My heart yearns to return overseas, I officially have the travel bug. My passport sits on my dresser waiting to be used again. But right now I am focusing on school and teaching. I know I will return to the world at one point and I look forward to that day, but now is not that time.
As many of you know leaving my family and friends behind on this trip was one of the hardest parts for me. Well I have been able to spend much time with my family over the holidays as well as a few trips with my friends. All of which I am truly thankful.
Until Next Time
Love You Guys
Annalisa
(Christmas morning.....Sarah, Andy, Me)
(Pupusas (my favorite Central American food) in Boston with a friend)
a month since I returned to the States after an 11 month journey around the world.
A month since I saw starving children at every street corner.
A month since I watched people walk miles for drinking water.
A month since I lived in the rice fields of Cambodia.
A month since I left the streets of India and the beggars on the corners.
A month since I witnessed the simplicity of life uncluttered by our complications.
I have been home, living in Maine with my parents. Picking up where I left off in October. In my mind I half thought I could come back and be ok living in this place I have always called home. The place I have grown up in, the place where my family lives. But lets be honest. Its been hard, like really hard. To return to a place that has not changed, to pick up right where I left off. After having seen the world and the injustices throughout the world, how can this ever be the same? It will never be that easy. I do not feel a part of anything, I do not feel I belong. I am no longer in college yet at the same time not yet living a life on my own with a full time job. I am in the middle of yet another transition in my life. Tonight I was once again reminded that life is full of one transition after another.
I live my life to a really high standard, and put pressure on myself to meet those standards. Sometimes the standards are unrealistic and placed there by people other than myself. I have found myself living this past month the way others have wanted me to. I have felt pressure to know what I am doing in the coming weeks and months, I have felt pressure to sort my life out and process everything in a few weeks.
But I had dinner tonight with a friend and for the first time since returning home I felt alright. I felt at ease with not having it all sorted out, with not having a plan for the next 5 years of my life. Life does not fit in a cookie cutter as I once thought it did, and for the first time in a while I am at peace with that. So at this point I am coming to terms with being content with knowing that it may take the next 5 years to process these past 11 months. I do not need to feel the pressure to have my life in a cute cookie cutter box. Its been a long month but I think I'm finally on the up and up towards truly accepting being back in the States and truly beginning to process in my own way in my own timing.
This is in no way my finalized plans for the next year but I thought I would let you know what has been on my mind since I am pretty sure most of you are dying to know.
I plan to do some substitute teaching here in Maine through December so I can be home throughout the holidays. Then I would love to return to the ministry contact I met in Cambodia early next year for a month or two. I would love to lead a Real Life trip in the summer and then start working towards a nursing degree in the Fall. These are in NO way definitive but I am planning to make steps towards these goals instead of just waiting for things to fall into my lap.
Until Next Time
Annalisa
This past week I was able to go to Boston and had PUPUSAS....one of my favorite foods from the race. They were just as good as I remembered them to be.
I have safely arrived back in the States. I flew into JFK on August 31st and spent the night with friends in NY before driving home to Maine on the 1st. I have been working the past two weeks since arriving home and have been transitioning back into life in the United States of America. It has been a wonderful yet hard transition in so many ways.
After spending the last 11 months living in 24/7 community I now find it hard to be alone.........after 11 months without driving a car or having access to a car I now can hop in my car whenever I chose.....after 11 months eating what is put in front of me I can now go to my fridge and eat fruits and vegetables at times of my choosing......after 11 months of sharing a bathroom, and bed, and bedroom, and house with multiple people (sometimes up to 21) I now have my own, bed, own bathroom, and own bedroom, all to myself. And oh so many more changes.
It has been wonderful to see people I have been away from for 11 months. I thank you all for your support, both financial and prayer support. Without you I would have never made it through these past 11 months...and I sincerely mean that. There are many changes that are happening in my life, choices that need to be made about my future. Sometimes it is all overwhelming, sometimes the only comfort I have is knowing that God has it all in control.
So once again Thank YouThank YouThank You
Stay tuned for another blog about my plans....I just wanted to let you guys all know I was home safely and beginning this next stage in my life of transition.
Until Next Time
Love Annalisa
The following video is a overview of all the countries I traveled to in the past 11 months. 11 months, 11 countries, one goal...to spread the Love of God to the nations.
This is it...This is wind down time, the end is drawing near. This is month 11 of my 11 month journey around the world. If you had asked me back in October if I ever thought this year would finish I would have said NO. I never thought the end would come, that I would be away from my home, family and friends forever but here I am writing this blog with only two weeks left in this month. It seems surreal to think that I have only 6 days of ministry left after spending 45 weeks on this race. On August 24th I will take a 36 hour train ride back to New Delhi with my team. I will meet up with the rest of my squad for a few days before flying back to the States on the 31st.
This month has been quiet, pretty laid back and chill when it comes to ministry. We spend a few hours a day going into the slums and teaching the children English, Bible stories and songs. However there has been a few holidays this month, as well as flooding in the slum so ministry has been cancelled more than once. On the one hand I am disappointed because this is my last month here. I want to give my all. I want to leave it all here, I can rest when i am home. But then I remember that there will be more. I know that the Lord will bring me back on the field, this isn't the end.
View of the slum from the building at which we tutor
These last few weeks have been a little glimpse into what life will be like when I am back in the States. Our contacts have been awesome this month. They know this is our last month on the race and that we are preparing for probably the hardest transition of our short lives in a few weeks as we return home. They have told us that they want us to spend time with the Lord, really seeking out what He has for the next stage in our lives. It has been refreshing to not be so bombarded with ministry that is a struggle to find time alone with God. At the same time it is on us to make things happen or else life will just pass us by.
In this laid back schedule I have begun to see some ways the enemy may attack as I return home in a few weeks. I know there will be many people to talk with, many places I will want to visit, and many things I will need to do......And it will be my responsibility to make it happen. No longer will my time revolve around what the contact has planned for us, or what the logistics team has scheduled. For the first time in 11 months I can go to sleep whenever I want, I can get out of bed at the time of my choosing, I can spend an hour eating breakfast, or two minutes if I want. I can waste away the day watching TV or reading a book or talking on the phone. I know that it will be very easy to let the days and weeks slip by without doing anything productive but that would go against everything I learned this year. It will take everything in me to make goals, set deadlines, and make concrete steps toward the next stages of my life.
One of the ways the enemy attacks is through apathy, old routine and laziness. After seeing all that I have this year, it would be easiest to just sit back and forget about it because it may be overwhelming to know what part I have in it all. That would make the enemy happiest but it would also break the heart of God. So as I prepare to return home, I am praying against the ways the enemy wants to ruin my life. Instead I continue to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ because that will be the one thing to keep me on track.
Until Next Time
Love you Guys
Love Annalisa
Chilling in our room
Delicious Indian Food.........by far best food on the race
We drove through the streets of Bangalore. Our driver Kumar using his horn as an alert to to the oncoming traffic and auto rickshaws slowing him down. I felt disconnected to the outside world. Here I was in my traditional Indian clothes, with the Air-con blowing in my face driving in our personal SUV. I kind of felt as if I have been transported back to the US for a short time. I mean AC and our own car and driver......"I am spoiled" I thought to myself.
(Streets of India)
Everywhere I looked I saw children in torn clothes, most without shoes. Women and men sold fruit for 10 rupees (25 cents) just trying to make it by. Cows wandered the streets, they are the most sacred animals in the Hindu religion, and are respected higher than some human life.
It was 5:30 PM.......our first night going into the slum. We had no idea what to expect. We had been prepared by our contacts, been told stories of children not wanted by their parents, of living conditions unimaginable..........but still how prepared can you really be for this experience. All race I have been hearing about India and about the slum children I would have the opportunity to work with, well here I was, month 11 and it was real. Alley way led to alley way, Kumar navigated the streets as if they were the back of his hands (he would be a pro in downtown Manhatten), thanks goodness he is behind the wheel. Finally he stops and pulls over......no idea where I was..."well this is it, are you ready for this Anna?" is all I could say. We got out and followed him. We walked by homes made of scrap metal, children playing in the dirt next to heaps of trash, mothers cooking a meager meal of greens or some rice, a rat, multiple stray dogs, and the very obvious temple.
We come to a three story building......."here we are"......the sweet old Indian man that does some cooking for us back home was there. He was preparing the dinner he would feed the children that night. There are three classrooms, we break up into groups of two, Emily and I get the youngest group, the ones who speak the least English, but are the age I love. We enter the room and a room of about 35 black eyed, wide-eyed, eager, excited, breathtakingly gorgeous children turn their heads to us. We are welcomed by "Auntie, Auntie, Auntie" by all of them. They make a pathway for us so we can walk to the front of the class. In all my time of teaching I have never seen a group of 6-8 year olds so attentive. You are there focus, until of course their attention span dies away but until then they are just hanging on your every word.
(Precious Indian Children)
We pull the old tricks out of the hat......sing some songs, they sing some of their own, Emily teaches a Bible story and I teach them English. Animals, vegetables, fruit, colors, you know the basics. They surprise me in the knowledge they possess. For the first time on this race (well maybe second after Cambodia) I was reminded of the reason why I went to college for Early Childhood Ed. I had lost my passion along the way but my love for the children, my enthusiasm, my creative juices, my teaching voice for the kids, and my ability to block out the rest of the world all came back and in that moment I was alive. Alive with the passion the Lord had put on my heart so many years ago. I absolutely LOVED it.
(Teaching the Children)
We only stayed till 7:30 PM. That is when each child returns home with their plate of food. Normally rice, daal, and some kind of vegetable. Kumar told us that they bring the plate home because most are forced to share it with their parents waiting at home. It makes me sad but atleast they are getting something to eat. We leave quite promptly. We are told it is unsafe to stay too long since it is now dark, being Americans and all. Kumar leads the way out and Jake and A.J. bring up the rear. We pass by the rat (we have named him Ratatouille) and make our way to our SUV.
We sit in silence, not sure what to say. The past 10 months come to mind, all the children I have seen, the places I have visited, and it is almost too much to think about. How will I return to life in the US after seeing all this? How do I share this with people back home who have not experienced this like I have? How do I say good bye to these children at the end of the month? It will be hard but I know I am only here for a time so I pray because that is the only control I have in the situation. And if there is anything I have learned over these past 10 months it is that PRAYER is POWERFUL.
I wanted to send out a blog to let you guys know how I am doing after these past few weeks. My last bog was brutally honest in regard to the feelings I was feeling at that time. I share with you because that was only a valley that I was experiencing at the time. The Lord has brought me out of that, though it was not easy my attitude has changed now thanks to the strength I find in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I was attempting to live in my own strength through those transitions and good-byes. Instead of drawing on Christ for renewed strength I tried on my own and failed miserably.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.
Hebrews 4:15
Sometimes I forget that God came to earth in the form of a human and experienced everything that I do here on earth. Jesus Christ who came to earth part man and part God was tempted and experienced all the feelings and emotions that I feel here. It is a comfort to know that I can go to Jesus with everything I feel because He sympathizes with me. He is not a God who sits in heaven and rules me with an iron fist. Instead He is my best friend who longs for my to pour out my heart to Him.
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. Hebrews 3:1
So after reminding myself that I was not alone when it came to those feelings I made a conscious effort to change my mindset. From one of self-pity and sadness to one of hope in the fact that Jesus has my heart in His hand. I mean He knows how I feel since He created me to feel that way. When I am heavenly minded and my focus is on Jesus everything else just falls into place.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
This has always been one of my favorite scriptures as I live my life for Christ. It is such a comfort to know that no matter what happens in life, what may be put in my path, the Lord knows them already. For a moment I chose to forget this and began to let my mind dwell on my future and I became worried about what I would do. I took my future into my own hands instead of living, remembering that if I live my life for God then I have no need to worry about my future. It is an easy concept to grasp but I am human and it is my nature to forget that and let my flesh take over.
So once again I want to share that I was in a very vulnerable place when I wrote my last blog. I was in a place where I was focused on living my life in my own strength and not in God's strength for my life. I have been very intentional this past week to live in complete surrender to what God has for my life. Though it has not been easy it is exactly where God wants me to be. I want to finish out this Race without any regrets because I know I will never get this time back.
I am sitting here with this blank screen in front of me and I am at a lost of words. I am not sure how I am to portray my heart to you guys back home. I shared it with my team tonight and just kind of spit it out so I will just do the same right now. I have been struggling hard core for the last two weeks or so. I have had zero alone time to process and have chosen to ignore my feelings and haven't allowed myself time to feel and grieve until today. So here is what I got.
As much as I would like to believe that I can handle transitions in life I have come to realize that they tear me apart. And the last 9 1/2 months has been one transition after another. As you all know I fell in LOVE with Cambodia. My heart was broken for the country and the people in it, especially those we spent the month with there. I struggled the following month in Kenya as I felt that I had just had my heart ripped out of my heart. I closed myself off so as not to become attached again. I was not open to ministry that month or making relationships with the people there. Then we arrived in Uganda and I struggled again until I surrendered my time there over to the Lord. Then I fell in LOVE with Uganda. With the country again but more importantly with the friends I made there. Then we left as we always do and I felt my heart being ripped out again. So I decided to close myself off even more, deciding not to let people in. I made up my mind that I would coast for the last six weeks of this race and not think twice about it. I mean that has been my coping mechanism for the last 24 years of my life. I am not going to change all of the sudden. I know it is not healthy but the way I operate is always to check out when I know things are coming to an end. I just figure if I start to push people away now and check out then it would be that much easier when I actually say good bye in August.
OBVIOUSLY I WAS WRONG.........cause Emily noticed.
It never seems to amaze me how well people truly do know you when you live so closely with them. I thought I was hiding it but once again I was wrong. She helped me process it a bit and I shared the rest with my team.
The Lord has created me with a huge heart, a heart that loves deeply, strongly, with passion and without end. Many times it is a blessing but sometimes it hurts. It hurts so badly, when I have loved and been vulnerable with people so much but I get hurt in the long run. Relationships and people are very important to me. Sometimes however, those connections and ties make it hard for me to move on and see what the Lord has for me at the present moment. Uganda and Cambodia and the people there have touched my heart quite deeply and it hurts more than anything to have left them behind. But I am forced to release control and place my trust in God that He has taken me away from them at this time for a reason. He has created me to feel a love so deeply for these countries and people and He will use that for His glory in the future. Right now all I can do is feel what I feel, grieve what I have left behind and continue to love with all that I have.
But right now, at this present moment, my heart is broken and I am still torn.
torn between Uganda
and Cambodia
....torn between being open or being afraid of being hurt
.......torn between living in the present or dwelling on the past
.........torn between loving my team till the last day or checking out early
............torn between suppressing my feelings or giving myself a chance to grieve
I hope you enjoyed all your picnics, fireworks, time on the beach, and family gatherings. This holiday is by far one of my favorites and this year I MISSED it. Last year I spent it in the Dominican Republic and this year I was in Tanzania. For the previous seven years my day normally looked the same. Early morning at the store working, serving pastries and sandwiches, catering to the vacationers who came to spend the day in my beloved state of Maine, Vacationland, parade watching, time spent on the beach, BBQ with the family, square dance in the town square, and fireworks. Well this year that was far from reality. In fact I would have CHOSEN to work on the busiest day at the store then go through what I went through this 4th of July weekend. The following can't do this weekend justice but try to imagine anyway.
June 29
8:00 AM.....We left what had become our home for the month and our beloved friends and met up with other teams from our squad in Mukono. We planned to leave by 8:30 but if there is one thing we have learned, buses never arrive on time here. As we waited for the bus to finally arrive we grabbed one last rolex (chapati rolled with egg, tomato and sometimes cabbage) with Eddie, Michael and Harriet and anticipated our final good-bye.
10:00 AM.... Our transport finally arrived and we began our short journey to Jinja, where we spent a few days enjoying the Nile River. Some of us bungee jumped, some rafted the Nile and others just enjoyed some down time before our much dreaded travel days.
July 1
5:00 PM.....We waited for our bus to Tanzania, once again we were told it would leave at 5:00.....
6:15 PM..... We finally drive out of the parking lot. Auman and I are bus buddies again. Thank God for her, we both know the routine, plug in the I-pod, try to find a comfortable position, enjoy the landscape and try to find a happy place.
9:00 PM..... We arrive at the Uganda/Kenya border. We exit the bus, fill out a departure card (the last link to my new beloved country) get our passports stamped and walk across. We approach the Kenyan immigration office and confusion follows. Something about having to pay another $50 dollars for a visa. Cody makes it very clear that the visa we bought in late April lasts 90 days meaning we can travel through Kenya till late July. Only then do they take our passports, stamp them and let us through. You have to be forceful or else they WILL take advantage of you. At this point there are three of us teams, about 18 people. With so many people border crossings are chill, sometimes sketch but no big deal. Well this night was different. It was one of the first times that I was actually scared. We passed through the gates and were immediately swarmed by Africans asking us for money and such. I wished for nothing more than to have Michael and Eddie standing next to us preaching up a storm to all of them around. But they weren't, we were on our own so we made our way back to the security guards and waited another hour for our bus to be cleared. We hopped back on the bus, took some Tylenol PM, and attempted to get some sleep. Ok one thing you need to know about Kenya......it has by far the WORSE roads in any of the countries I have visited so far. So combined with a lack of shocks on the buses we were like balls in a pinball machine on the entire ride. NO exaggeration.
July 2
7:30 AM.....We arrive in Nairobi and we take turns in the bathroom while the rest of us watch our bags. We quickly find our next bus and once again Auman and I find our seats, plug in the I-pods and attempt to be positive, but its getting harder. Everyone gets a little breakfast of chapati, samosa and hard-boiled eggs. Auman hates chapati so we switch, chapati for samosa....perfect! chapatis are my fav. I pass on the egg to Zeb, I know he will enjoy it far more than me.
11:00 AM....We arrive at the Kenya/Tanzania border. We fill out our departure cards once again and get our departure stamp for Kenya. THANK YOU GOD!!!! I will be happy if I never set foot back there again. It was not a favorite country of mine. We walk across to Tanzania, Cody hands me a $100 dollar bill and instructs me to go to the last window. I apply for my visa, one of the most expensive so far on the race. They take our passports and begin to process them. 30 minutes later we get back on the bus and have our passports returned to us. I buy a bottle of water from one of the dozen of guys all trying to sell us the same drinks and snacks. I am super dehydrated but there are never bathrooms on the bus and stops are few. I drink only when I have to because there is nothing worse than having to pee and attempting to ask the non-english speaking bus driver to stop is sometimes more hassle than it is worth, just ask Auman. This section of the drive will be long. Once again, I-pod, happy place and a comfortable position. However by this point the "happy place" is virtually impossible. The longer I am away from Eddie and Michael and Edgar the more I miss them. I haven't been this sad saying good bye since I left my family and friends back in October. I know the Lord has called me to two more months on this race but my flesh wants nothing more than to be back in Mukono with all of them. We make our way right through the bush of Africa, literally National Geographic every where you look. Auman and I go back and forth between listening to tunes, talking, sleeping, eating, and listening to others on the bus. We are entertained by this German guy, two seats ahead of us, who has a 1.5 liter Sprite bottle filled with some sort of alcohol. He remains drunk the entire ride. He tells us that he has been in Kenya for 6 years, is originally from Europe and spent some time in America as well. He also told us that he has be exiled from the U.S. for life......we all ask ourselves who the heck is this guy???? Just one of the few things that only seems to happen on the World Race.
5:15 PM..... We stop for dinner and run into the rest of our squad who left on an earlier bus. Their bus is being fixed so we leave them behind.
July 3
12:30 AM..... We finally arrive in Dar Es Salaam, the coastal capital of Tanzania. We stop at one bus stop but we are told there is a larger main bus station. As we drive through the streets of the city it is the second time I felt uneasy on the race. By this time is it 12:45 AM and there are homeless and drunks everywhere. Auman and I keep anticipating that we will be dropped off in the middle of them somewhere.
1:00 AM.....We arrive at the bus stop and shortly there after are greeted by Mac's pastor who will be housing us for the night till we buy tickets for Iringa. We make our way to his house. It has no running water or even well water, which means after traveling for over 30 hrs we can't even wash our hands or faces. I have hit an all time low.....What has my life come to???? I try with all that is in me to attempt a smile. Oh and I am still dehydrated because I have been scared to drink water. But the bad news is that we are in Tanzania and haven't exchanged money so we can't buy any either. Man, this blows!
2:00 AM.....I finally lay my head on the pillow.
8:30 AM..... I wake up...nobody knows what is going on, the pastor is at church, we don't have sim cards yet and have no Tanzanian money to get anywhere. We eat the left over food from travel day, sip the last drops of water and wait.
2:00 PM..... The pastor finally comes back. We finally go to the store, buy bus tickets for the next morning, withdraw money from the ATM and I GULP some water.
July 4
4:00 AM.... We pack 24 people and all our luggage in a bus and make our way to the bus station for our 7:00 bus.
5:15 AM.....We make our way through literally hundreds of buses. Pastor finally finds our bus and we pack on our luggage.
6:00 AM..... We find our assigned seats and Auman and I get the seat directly under the ONE speaker for the ENTIRE bus. AHHHHHHHH my nerves are fried to the max to begin with but this just pushes me over the edge. We spend the next 30 minutes turning the volume down when the driver exits the bus and then watch as he turns it right back up when he gets back in. (We ask nicely the first time but he doesn't understand so we spend the next 8 hours with this BLARING in our ears. Even my I-pod is unable to mask the sound.)
8:00 AM..... We finally depart.
4:00 PM..... After a fairly uneventful 8 hour bus ride, we arrive in Iringa, our location for the next month. All I can say is I never thought I would be off those buses.
After 4 days, and about 40 plus hours of bus travel it is finally over.
I am going to be completely honest and say this past weekend was probably the worse on this race. 40 hours of bus travel anywhere would be torture but this was Africa and this is month 10. I honestly can't handle anymore of this stress. I like to think that in moments of stress I can stay cool, calm, and collected but those three words did not describe me this time. For that I am sorry, but less than 4 days ago I said good-bye to the best friends I have made on this race next to squad members, it is going on 10 months that I have been away from home, one of my favorite American holidays was this weekend, and my life after this race is staring me straight in the face and it is scaring me to death.
Lindsay, Eddy, and I...he looks so happy doesnt he?
Needless to say it is a moment by moment struggle to stay positive and to keep my mind in a happy place. I want to be completely present this month but it is going to be hard. So then I had some Jesus time and I got some encouragement. Coming on this race I knew that we would be changing and saying good-bye every month. But I guess I didn't think about how hard it would be and how much it would affect me. At this point I need to trust the Lord has my heart in his hands and He will bring me back to Mukono, and that He has my life planned out for the rest of my days.
Our month is coming to an end here in Uganda and it has forced me to look back on this month and in doing so I see all the ways the Lord has really blessed me this month. Coming into this month I was emotionally distant from the ministry as well as my team. My mind wandered everywhere from thinking about my flight home in August, life after the race, worrying about all the preaching we would be doing this month as well as just being emotionally, physically, and mentally tired. I was missing my family and my close friends a great deal.....but then the Lord really showed up for me, in ways I could never imagine.
This month we were poured into more than ever before on this race. Our contacts and new friends loved us, blessed us, encouraged us, and showed us what it really meant to love with a Christ centered love. They live out the greatest commandment found in the New Testament in the most sacrificial way.
Matthew 22:37-39 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
As the month went on I missed my family and friends less and less, I began to hold onto the days I had instead of counting them down. This country has become more and more like home. Michael and Eddie and Edgar and Harriet became friends and Emmanuel Christian Center became our new family.
I try to explain how this month was and put it into words but once again it is too hard. I know back in April I told you that Cambodia was my most loved month. Well I said that cause I guess I didn't think I would get another month like that. I was wrong, the Lord surprised me with another UNDESCRIBABLE month. I LOVED this month beyond words and more than once was called african which made me smile. Out of all the countries I have visited on this race, Uganda is the one country I could say without a doubt I could live and be content. I felt most al home here than anywhere else since leaving the States. And I know a big part of that was the people and the presence of the Lord in this country.
The Lord has used this experience to show me that maybe I am not called to one specific place. I originally thought that I would go directly back to Cambodia after this race but I now think that may have been my own desires. I want nothing more than to follow the will of the Lord on my life after this race. I still do not know what life after the race looks like exactly but I know the Lord will open the doors as I come to them.
